Can't you gracious me?

A few months back, our daughter was having a particularly difficult day. She had blatantly disobeyed our instruction all day long, and we were weary from the constant discipline and correction. We were tired of telling her "No," and she was tired of hearing it. So we decided to relent and give her grace. We told her, "we are choosing to be gracious to you right now, and we are going to let you do the thing that brings you joy right now. You've disobeyed, and we have been keeping you from the fun things all day long. Even though you don't deserve it, we want to be gracious and give this to you." Her eyes lit up, and she jumped up and down with joy! She was so excited because she knew discipline was coming but instead received a gift of grace. She even ran to me and said in such a sweet, sincere voice, "Mommy, I love you!" Now, when she knows she's been disobedient, she asks us, "Can't you gracious me?!" She may not understand the concept of grace, but she knows it's something she doesn't deserve, and she knows it brings joy to her heart. I hope you're seeing the parallel here, but in case you're not, here it comes...

Everything we do deserves discipline and consequences. But God gives more grace... While we were sinners, Christ died for us, and God gave more grace. Do we react the same way that my daughter did? Are we overcome with joy? Do we run to our father in love and thank Him for the grace He gives which is infinitely more than we could ever give our children? Or do we instead continue to sin, demanding to our Holy God, "Can't you gracious me?" God's grace is an unearned gift. Let's constantly remember the grace our Father daily gives, and let's strive to show the same grace to our children in an effort to point them to Jesus.

Father, we praise you and thank you for the unfathomable grace found only in Christ. Help us to parent our little blessings out of thankful hearts, and help us to reflect even a portion of your grace onto their impressionable little souls.

It's Not the Children - It's Me

I had "one of those days" yesterday. My daughter was more defiant than usual, and I got frustrated. I find myself saying "I was so frustrated" way too often. Most of the time, it's because the kids simply won't obey! I mean, how hard is it to just do what I say? Everything wold be so much easier, but they just won't do it!

Over the past few weeks, God has been giving me gentle reminders that my frustration problem is about me, not about the kids. Just this morning, someone reminded me that our homes should be a place where our kids are free to sin, be lovingly disciplined, and see Christ in the process. My husband read something the other day that said discipline is only effective if the parents are more disciplined than the children. I've also been studying about my own wicked heart that cries, "I WANT, I WANT, I WANT" all day long and gets frustrated when I don't get what I want. The normal day-to-day challenges of parenthood are only exposing what's in my heart - the sinful desire to have perfect order, obedient children, and peace and quiet so my life will be a little "easier." But I'm confident that even if I had everything I "wanted" - order, obedience, peace - I would never be satisfied. I would find more to want. After all, a theologian once said that our hearts are idol factories. We always create something to worship that will never satisfy our souls.

Christ is our only satisfaction. Until we are fully satisfied in Christ, we will never be satisfied with our lives. Until I am perfectly content in Christ, I will always be frustrated with my children. I don't really want obedience and order; I want Jesus, and I need to make sure they want Him, too.

Lord, forgive me for seeking anything but Christ. Help me to set my heart on Jesus so my children can see that He alone satisfies.

I Love My Husband

Last night, after the kids were in bed, my husband and I were fixing our daily bowls of ice cream and settling in for a little TV. We don't watch much TV (we don't have cable), but we do really enjoy watching a few shows together. We've done that since we were first married. We clean up the kitchen, get the house in order (somewhat), and just relax together. I've never once thought of using that time for laundry, house cleaning, paying bills, or any of the other things that probably need to be done. I just know that every night, we will have our time to relax together.

Last night, I realized that it's easy to put aside all of the chores to spend time with my husband, but it's not so easy to do that with my children. I feel like I NEED to get everything accomplished during the day, and I get frustrated when I don't. But I don't look forward to time with my children like I do the time with my husband. Why is that? Maybe it's because I spend so much time with the kids that I take it for granted. Or by the time I sit down for our ice cream, I'm probably so exhausted that none of my chores will get done anyway! Children are hard work, and maybe after a long day of discipline, diapers, and meals they will not eat, I feel like I've been more of a childcare provider than a mother. Or maybe it's natural to want to spend time with your spouse more than your children. After all, he was there before they were! He really is my best friend, and I love being with him. Regardless, I want to enjoy the time with my children and look forward to it like I look forward to ice cream time. I won't always have this time with them, and I want to take advantage of it.

Lord, thank you that my husband is my closest friend, and please give me a heart that longs for sweet time with my children.

Such delay...

So how long has it been since my last post? Long enough for me to feel guilty for never having anything to say. Maybe I should be silent more often...

We're settled into our new home but not settled into much of a routine yet. Moving, busy church schedule, wild children, house repairs (more than I would like to admit already) - they have all stolen my time to "myself", ergo the lack of blogging. So now it's time to jump back in! Hope I still have a reader or 2 out there! Thanks for being patient with me!

I've discovered a few things since moving. I now know that more room means more places to stash boxes that you forget to unpack. I also know that if you purchase paint for a 3-year-old's room, you should use it quickly or be willing to hear her ask, "can I paint my room today?" every day until you do (I'm still hearing it, so no, we have not painted)! I also know that a busy schedule, unpacked boxes, walls to paint, appliances to replace, and walls to patch (because the girl was pushing the boy's head into it), mean that "counting others" is an even more difficult task. I've learned that if I don't make my children a priority, I can find plenty of other things to do instead of spending time with them. And when I fill my days with "things to do" instead of with my children, they know it. But I've also learned that when I play with them, the "things" get a little easier to do when the time comes.

Lord, help me to get rid of my excuses no matter what's on my plate and to be thankful that I have so many blessings to balance.

Time to Settle

We are in our "new" home. We are still sorting through boxes trying to find our socks, but we're here. Here's the view from our back door...

If anyone knows how to take care of plants, come on over! We have an abundance of beautiful plants that desperately need a green thumb. The good news is that the kids are enjoying life in their new back yard. We are even shopping for a swing set. We are so thankful to be in a home with room for our family, and I will update again soon!

A New Home

I apologize again for taking so long to write. My husband went on a mission trip out of the country, we celebrated an anniversary, and we closed on our new home this week! God has allowed us to buy our first home, and we are so thankful for the opportunity to purchase a home in this difficult economy. I have so many things to thank God for...

Thank you for a husband who loves our family dearly and loves Jesus more.

Thank you for two beautiful, healthy children.

Thank you that my husband has a job that provides for our family.

Thank you for a new home with room for kids to grow and run. Thank you for a yard (that needs lots of work) where our kids can play outside and enjoy the sunshine.

Thank you for times in life where it's easy to see the blessings you pour out on our family.

There is so much excitement surrounding our new home. The kitchen needs work, but it is our kitchen. Everything in the yard is overgrown, and half the plants are dead, but it is our little yard to tend. And yet, I remember a song that our daughter sings from one of her videos:

"In my Father's house are many mansions. I go to prepare a place for you."

Our new house is exciting because it is our first home, but nothing can compare with what God has in store for those that know Him. Sometimes we are so content with the earthly blessings that we forget how glorious and rich are the eternal blessings of God! Our homes and yards and material possessions are opportunities for us to be stewards, but the home that God is preparing for us should fill our hearts with eager anticipation for what is to come!

Lord, please help us to care for the things you have placed in our hands but to set our hearts on things above.

To Train a Child

It is so easy to react to your child's behavior. I often find myself saying the same things all day long: "Stop doing that! Don't do that! Stop hitting your brother! Stay away from there!" It is easy to react to disobedience and to get frustrated if that's all I do all day! It is not so easy to train a child. When we train for an event - a sporting event, a job, etc. - we undergo intense, proactive exercise to learn something new. We train our bodies to do something they have not done before. We train our minds to learn a new concept. And when we "train up a child in the way he should go," we teach them something new. Our children do not know how to obey us, and they definitely do not know what it means to glorify our Father. Our job is to train their minds and hearts to understand a foreign concept, to do something they've never done before. When a runner trains for a marathon, running becomes easier and easier as the training continues. When you are trained for a new job, the task becomes easier as you continue to practice. Let us all remember that we are to discipline and train our children for Godliness.

Lord, help us to persevere through the difficult task of training our children. When they grow old, give them the strength to not grow weary but to run the Christian race more quickly and richly every day.

Sorry for the delay!

I apologize for the lack of posts! We are moving next month, and we covet your prayers during the home-buying process. Thank you for reading and for being patient with me!

I Work at Home

It is not the cultural norm to aspire to the profession of Wife and Mother. Our world tells us to "take care of yourself. Learn to provide for yourself so your husband doesn't have to. Be independent, and if you want to stay at home while your kids are young, it's permissible to put your career on hold for that. But hurry up and get them involved in school so you can either enjoy the day without them or return to your important career." This culture has even labeled those whose sole job is to care for their family as "stay-at-home moms," implying that our families are keeping us from getting out and doing something else.

But God...

Older women...are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

-Titus 2:3-5

God has given us clear instruction to work at home, not simply to stay at home. We are to work hard to care for our families - first to help our husbands, then to nurture our children. This profession is not for the weak but for the strong, the hard worker, the diligent. So often our culture (but most prominently our own sin) causes us to stay and not to work, or to work hard only at things outside the home. The curse of Eve cries, "You can do what your husband does, and probably better! You can work and provide for yourself! Someone else can do the menial tasks of housekeeping or cooking or childcare; you are better suited for grander things!" But let us remember the urgency of our role as wives and mothers. Working at home is not for the infant or preschool years; working at home is our task. It is our job. As God may gift us to work in the church or work at anything outside the home, our primary task is to keep our home in a manner that honors God so we are able to love our husbands and care for our children.

Lord, please give us the wisdom to choose to work hard at home, whatever the demands on our lives. As your Scripture reminds us, help us to keep our home, not for the sake of our career or status or popularity, but for the sake of your Word.

It's MINE!

How many times do mothers of toddlers hear the phrase, "it's mine"? From birth, our children want to acquire and keep everything for themselves. Toys, food, mommy and daddy...the list goes on. My daughter can be perfectly content playing with one toy, but the second her brother touches a different toy, she yanks it out of his hand and piles all of her toys on the couch where he can't reach them. Nevermind the "one toy at a time" rule, she just doesn't want her brother using her toys. And I wish I could say the selfishness diminishes with age. But when someone uses something of mine, I am always nervous that it may get ruined. Our toys are only more expensive as we age, but the selfishness is ever-present.

As we were heading home from church on Easter morning, we were reviewing what we learned about Christ and the resurrection. Our daughter says, "Jesus died on the cross and they hammered his boo-boos." What a sweet insight into our daughter's mind! Then we asked her if she knew why Jesus died on the cross. My husband explained, "He died to take away our sin!" Our daughter's eyes got really big, and she got irritated and said, "I DON'T WANT HIM TO TAKE IT AWAY! NO!" As if to say, "It's MINE!" Oh, if she only knew how accurate that statement was! Even in salvation, our hearts don't really want Jesus to take away our sin! We love our things. We love our own desires. Our hearts are set on our own sin, and we really don't want Jesus to take it away! But God, so rich in mercy, gave us a heart set on Himself and paid the debt for our sin even though our hearts wanted to cling to it. Thanks be to God for His gracious salvation!

Lord, give me a heart that is content in giving everything away. And give me the endurance and wisdom to teach my children to lose everything so they may find Jesus. Let their new cry be, "He is mine!"

Never ask them "Why?"

My daughter is what Dobson would call the Strong-Willed Child. I could have written the book. From birth, she has fought to have her way, and sometimes quite violently! Even as a baby, if she thought things were going one way but the "routine" changed, she screamed until you gave her what whe wanted, what she expected. At 3, she is still that way, and in increasing measure! If she hears that we're going to the Zoo, she will talk about the Zoo NONSTOP until we actually go. And she will remind us over and over that we told her we could go to the Zoo. But she also gets extremely defiant if she thought we were doing something but it never happened. She even negotiates, "well, after we finish this, then we can do it, right?" She has her plans, and she will see them through! Nothing hinders this little girl.

I know that children are depraved and born with a sin nature, but sometimes you still look at them and think, "where in the world did this come from?!" Or worse yet, you ask, "Why are you throwing this fit? Why did you do that?" Until one day when I was doing laundry and trying to pay bills and my children kept "interrupting" me. I could feel the blood start to boil because I wanted to do something specific, and someone else was hindering my plans. I do not handle change well. I want my schedule to rule the day, and my flesh takes over when my schedule is interrupted. My daughter is just like me. Adam passed his sin to all generations, to me, and to my daughter. But God calls us to be patient, long-suffering, kind, joyful, to "count others more significant than ourselves." It is so easy - and so sinful - to let our desires rule in our hearts. I don't think I need to ask why my daughter does anything; I need to wonder how I can point her to Christ.

Lord, take my own sin from my heart so my daughter will have the opportunity to see Christ in me.

Sweetness

As we sat down to eat dinner last night, our daughter told us she wanted to pray. She often prays, but usually she says "Father thank you for this food, and thank you to take a BIG nap. Amen." There's no secret where she heard that prayer... But last night she said, "Father thank you for this food. Thank you for Mommy Daddy this great meal for us. And thank you for Jesus to pray. Amen." I think she was trying to say "thank you for the meal that Mommy made for us" (which Daddy usually says when he prays) and "in Jesus name we pray." My husband and I looked at each other in wonder, trying to figure out where the "nap" prayer went! But oh, how I loved her little prayer.

Thank you Lord for a child who prays even when the words aren't perfect. Give us a heart to pray no matter what, for our words are usually imperfect.

My Oxen

Where has the order gone? I love my things to be in order, and I love a clean home. Yet since having children, I feel like my home is in complete chaos! I am constantly burdened by the dirt, the toys, and the "stuff" that seems to pile up in the places I most want clean! I tidy up the kids' rooms several times a day, and they never stay that way for long. I fix lunch and stare at the stove that desperately needs a scrub-down. I find a moment to wash my hands, and the spots on the bathroom mirror call my name, followed by my children running into the bathroom to pull on my leg for something that needs more immediate attention than dirty mirrors. And then I am gently reminded of this Proverb:

Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean,

But abundant crops come by the strength of the ox.

-Proverbs 14:4

If I want to spend precious time with my precious children, my manger will never be clean. And if my husband and I want to reap the harvest of a righteous heritage, we must feed the oxen.

Thank you Lord for giving me oxen, and teach me to be a good steward of my manger.

Everything is Sacred

My husband and I are fans of Caedmon's Call, and they came out with a song that convicts me every time I hear it. If you have never heard the song, I urge you to get this CD, Overdressed (or at least listen to the song for free). And just in case you can't do either, I've included the lyrics below. I hope it ministers to you as much as it has to me.

Sacred
by Caedmon's Call

This house is a good mess
it's the proof of life
No way would I trade jobs
but it don't pay overtime

I'll get to the laundry
I don't know when
I'm saying a prayer tonight
cause tomorrow it starts again

Could it be that everything is sacred
And all this time
Everything I've dreamed of
has been right before my eyes

The children are sleeping
but they're running through my mind
The sun makes them happy
and the music makes them unwind

My cup runneth over,
I worry about the stain
Teach me to run to you
like they run to me for every little thing

Cause everything is sacred
And all this time
Everything I've dreamed of
has been right before my eyes

When I forget to drink from you
I can feel the banks harden
Lord make me like a stream to feed the garden

Wake up little sleeper
The Lord God Almighty
Made your mama keeper
So rise and shine, rise and shine, rise and shine

Cause everything is sacred
And all this time
Everything I've dreamed of
has been right before my eyes

ME time

This culture makes me weary. So often we hear, "You need to get away. You need to take time for yourself." What does that really mean anyway? Will a pedicure really solve the frustrations of motherhood? This world is telling me daily that I need to do what's best for me. If it works for me, it must be right. And this world is especially telling mothers that we NEED time away from our children. We need to send them to school, take them to Grandma's house, or send them to daycare so we can go do something more fulfilling or more restful than constantly being "needed" by our children. We need to follow our hearts and do what is most fulfilling in our own minds.

But God...

There is a way that seems right to man,

but its end is the way to death.

-Proverbs 14:12

God hasn't taught us to follow our hearts. Our hearts will only lead us to destruction. He has called us to worship Him by presenting our bodies as a living sacrifice. A sacrifice requires loss or death. We must continually die to ourselves in order to Glorify God. How much joy will we find if we die to our own desires every time our children need us?

Let us not listen to the culture that presses us to desert our families for me time, but let us run the race with perseverance, knowing that God will sustain us with the strength to walk and not grow weary.

Father, help me to seek more of Christ and less of me.

To do or not to do

I am a task-driven person by nature. I thrive on knowing what needs to be accomplished and getting it all done. It figures that God would use the enormous challenge of motherhood to strip that control away from me! My husband often comes home to find me in one of two moods: if I accomplish much (clean, fold laundry, pay bills), I am in a great mood, but if I accomplish "only" taking care of the children, I am frustrated. As if my time was so valuable that the "important" tasks of managing the home were a priority and the menial tasks of motherhood, the diapers and snotty noses, were an annoyance and simply a hindrance to my "real" job.

It's so easy for me to fall into this trap when laundry and cleaning can be measured. I can visually see the result of my work when I tidy up the home. But who can measure the time spent with my children? Will they remember that Mommy treated them as valuables or that I was frustrated when they kept me from something else? Will they know that I was there for EVERYTHING they needed or just there for damage control?

Lord, help my heart to be joyful in the days where my only task is to nurture my children.

Why the new blog?

I decided to start a new blog. Since I can't even seem to keep my first blog updated successfully, I began to wonder why I was doing this... I created my first blog to keep friends and family updated with general information about our family. But I wasn't giving myself much room for a journalistic outlet, so that is my goal with this blog. Since the largest block of my time is spent being a wife and mother, I have titled my blog "Counting Others," based upon Philippians 2:3. I would love to say that I don't struggle with this verse or that it's easy for me to count my family more significant than myself. That's just not the case. This blog is in part a reflection of what the Bible teaches about being a wife and mother but also a challenge (mostly for myself but hopefully to other women as well) to actually live that way. So even as I sit pretending to be more holy by blogging about Godly motherhood, my children are whining, reminding me to leave the computer and go Count the Others that God has given me...